A Brief Thought on My Selective Mutism

Yeah, yeah, another Aspergers from the Inside video; I know. What can I say? They open a structural discourse within myself, providing stimulating talking points.

As an adult Autist with selective mutism, sometimes I will shutdown and not be able to form words. Or, when asked what Iโ€™m feeling or why Iโ€™m in a certain mood, I become mute or otherwise incapable of coherent speech, or properly communicating that which I am asked to do.

However, many know how eloquently I am capable of speaking, and just how powerful my use of language and communication style can be.

One of the reasons I have always found solace in art and drumming is that I donโ€™t have to put words to feelings. I donโ€™t have to explain or define something unexplainable with no definition. I can just flow with it and let it purge itself as needed. I donโ€™t have to waste precious energy on calculating the best, most accurate response to an inquiry, when the intensity of what Iโ€™m feeling requires all that energy for simply processing.

This is also why many of my dearest friends have been animals and trees. We communicate without words and that is so liberating, so much more real and accurate.

So much can be and is communicated through non-speech. That which is deepest and most meaningful could never be put into words.

The interactions I cherish the most are those where I am not expected to speak. If I can just be with someone and feel that natural connectivityโ€”share our energy and thoughts without languageโ€”the connection feels pure and limitless… untainted and undefined by the restrictive relativism of language.

If I seem content to sit in silence with you, that is a good thing. I enjoy your presence, your energy. I enjoy simply being with you. It is a pure and wholesome exchange that is more real to me than speaking.

When society at large begins to appreciate the multitude of diverse methods of communication, we will see massive advancements in so many areas.

As Ramana Maharshi said, โ€œSilence is also conversation. Silence is ever-speaking.โ€